High Tea. is not as grand as it sounds

 6 May 2022

 

High Tea

Courtyard 53, Whitby Road (off Constantia Road), Wynberg, Cape Town

 

The concept of high tea conjures up visions of three-tiered sterling silver stands with mouth-watering savouries followed by a dazzling buffet of delectable sweet pastries and cakes, and a tea selection with more variety than the old English Music Halls, all enjoyed in the luxurious comforts of a tea room decorated and furnished with old- fashioned splendour. You know, something top drawer, something a little bit special.

 

Then there’s High Tea, the restaurant.

 

I’ve seldom experienced such a distressingly stark disparity between the delighte first impression of the picturesque, leafy courtyard of High Tea and the harsh reality of sitting down in the kind of space that could’ve been a roadside cafeteria in the ‘70s and earlier, with a menu that echoes those forlorn days, though, to be fair, the roadside cafeteria would not have offered croissants. 

 

To say that we were deeply disillusioned is to put it mildly. 

 

The wife and I were at High Tea by happenstance. We’d driven into the southern wilds in the pouring rain in search of breakfast, she hunched over the steering wheel, me furiously googling possibilities, until I came across Ellen Jay in Wynberg, of which the wife had heard good things.

 

There was a bit of an issue in finding a parking spot for Ellen Jay, on Constantia Road, and the wife drove a little ways down Whitby Road, saw the parking area for High Tea, of which she’d also heard good things, and pulled in.

 

The restaurant is part of a small commercial hub called Courtyard, right behind the property on which Ellen Jay stands, and when one enters the titular courtyard from the parking area, you have an exhilarating  sense of entering an enchanting, formal European garden, with hedges, shrubs, big trees and tables under umbrellas. I’ve not often seen a more picturesque setting for outdoor dining in Cape Town.

 

However lovely the garden setting might be, we weren’t going to sit out in the rain and went inside the building, which has maybe three small tables, the service counter and deli fridges and shelves,  and, I suppose, the kitchen somewhere behind that. The toilets are around the outside, in the nursery area next door.

 

Chic, elegant or luxurious it is not.   It is old-fashioned, one could argue, but not quite the old-fashioned that appeals anymore.  The table top was some laminated pictorial, of a type I hadn’t seen for decades, and was dirty and the interior just looked out of date and at odds with the current standard of coffee shop in Cape Town these days and I doubt that the passé getup is a knowing, “ironic” nod to yesteryear. The contrast with that lovely garden setting is jarring. 

 

The small, equally archaic-looking  breakfast menu sealed the deal on the disappointment stakes.  It’s not only extremely limited in number of dishes but also in scope and in the ambition of the cooking.

 

You can have egg on toast; salmon, camembert and rocket on rye; a croissant or bread with either bacon and egg or salmon and egg;  cheese grillers, egg and chips or grilled tomato; pork sausages, egg and chips or roasted tomato; or  four variations on a toasted sandwich. If you so desire, you can augment your dish of choice with add-ons.

 

I did flip the menu card to verify that I wasn’t perhaps missing something, but no, those were the breakfast options. No less and absolutely no more.

 

The wife ordered a cappuccino and I my standard espresso. The coffee was good and the espresso generous.

 

The wife had the croissant with scrambled eggs and bacon. (R75) The croissant was chewy (instead of flaky) and difficult to cut, perhaps because it was an old thing resuscitated in a microwave, the bacon was a tad tough too and the scrambled eggs, though generously portioned, was overcooked. Decidedly average.

 

My choice was the pork sausages, egg and chips (R85). I didn’t get a roasted tomato, which is the inexplicable alternative to the fries. but there was half a raw tomato on the plate.

 

My breakfast was quite enjoyable, for what it was. The eggs looked overcooked but were still nicely runny, the sausages were perfectly cooked and the small, crisp fries were delightful. The raw tomato was an oddity but I prefer that to roasted tomato any day.

 

The service was non-existent once our breakfasts had been served. Despite the presence of at least seven serving people and the absence of a throng of patrons, nobody returned to the table  even after we’d clearly finished eating and put our plates aside. After a brief wait that might not have been an eternity but was inexcusably long in the circumstances, I simply got up to settle the bill at the counter and got the wife a red velvet cakelet to go.

 

The bill came to R242 before tip.

 

The deli section is well stocked and may well be worth one’s custom.

 

I can see where, on a warm day, one might happily sit in the garden with coffee or tea and some cake, or perhaps a light lunch, but there’s no way we’ll return for breakfast and the lunch menu is too mundane to ever tempt me either.  The prices are reasonable and both the breakfast portions were substantial and if that is your thing, High Tea might be for you on a warm day.   If  you’re looking for something that’s even a smidgen more culinarily adventurous, it won’t be.